Here I sit on this bitterly cold day with my Starbucks, "Venti, Sub Sf, Nonfat Caramel Macchiato" that was supposed to be used to kick start me into cleaning mode. But instead has me sitting here, writing for you and me... Mostly me.
You know what I was exactly one minute away from today? A "Nacho Bell Grande". I mean I was on my way there. You know why? Because I was starving. I have come to realize that the level of hunger depends on the level of bad choice I will make for myself on any given day.
So anyway, I wanted the nachos and I wanted a huge (full fat) Carmel Macchiato to help me clean the anal way that gives me so much pleasure when finished that a Carmel Macchiato always allows me to do. I don't even want to know what those two things put together would be in the way of calories, fat and sugar. Not to mention what an embarrassing choice it is to be writing, reading and soon to be posting.
Then, this is where I know something has changed.... As I went to merge into the Nacho Bell Grande lane I thought, "no, no.... just go home and make yourself something right away and just eat it and be done with it. Just let it go." So I went to Starbucks and made another better decision, the "non non sub sfwymdb vanilla non non non caramel macchiato" and I didn't even feel dumb! I felt...... Responsible, I felt smart, I felt like a grown up.... I felt in control.
I got home and got myself some granola, yogurt and and an apple. Drank a huge glass of water and here I sit.
I know that the actual caloric intake of my breakfast was probably still not the best choice but it was a choice when in that particular space, I don't think I have ever made. I mean, I am outside of my usual "give up" range and in the exact place when it usually happens, and I made the better choice.
After talking to one of my favourite people last week (you know who you are), I saw something new. I felt something new. Something clicked within me for the first time. I had my first "Aha Moment".
Just start small. Wherever you are in your journey. Just start small. Be proud of the small. Because the small that lasts longer than the "huge short lived" actually does much more for you. Here's why:
Like I said in my previous blog, I never ate breakfast, rarely ate lunch and got myself to a point of only eating when starving. When starving I would make the worst choices. When making the worst choices my body feels at it's worst and so does my heart. I felt tired and I felt guilty.
When I decided to start small and be proud of myself I realized, it's like a snowball effect. Feeling good about yourself and being proud of yourself just makes more good happen. For every morning I would wake up and eat breakfast (for the most part), I would also eat a good lunch, I would be more mindful of dinner and also of a snack later or find myself not wanting to interfere with the awesome day I had and not even eat the 8 to 10pm snack at all!
I made a choice to walk every Sunday night or Monday morning depending on my schedule and only commit to that. I am only committing to those two things, breakfast and a walk. That's it. It's more than I did before and that's something to be proud of.
No more feeling bad for how pathetic that seems, breakfast and a walk. No more beating myself up for one bad snack or meal. No more even thinking about weight or size or how long it will take if I lose this amount per month to be at my goal weight.
Just breakfast and a walk.
When that becomes a staple that I don't have to work on or think of, I will add something else but for right now I am basking in the pride.
It's been 14 days and I am still here.
Thank you friend. Thank you for being exactly who you are. It's exactly why I love you.
Onto the 'Chef Salad Kebobs'. I made them for my daughters lunch and she "loved them". "Except for the egg and the cheese".... So here I am saying, "the egg is the protein! The cheese is the dairy! You didn't even have a balanced lunch!" (which Izzy has almost always eaten. From this blog you can probably get an idea of my reasons for being close to obsessed with her meals)... Anyway, I thought they were a great idea and something new and fun for lunch!
Chef Salad Kebobs
Deli Meat or Sausage or Ham
Hard boiled eggs (at least 2)
Toothpicks or kebob skewers
Cut it all up into decent sizes and make your kebobs!
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!